Do you know who your kids are chatting with online?

Do you know who your kids are chatting with online? I know that for many parents, the computer, tablet or phone have been lifesavers. There is no doubt that kids need to keep in touch with their friends and family. But how confident are you in knowing who they are talking to?

With reasonable care, meaningful discussions, and a some critical privacy settings, you can improve the odds that your children’s chats will stay safe. ⁠As parents, it is our job to help them learn to protect themselves from potential risks. Read on for information about keeping them safe online. This includes who kids can talk to on different platforms, what regular spot checks on their devices will tell you. Also learn about the settings you can use to limit their reach.

Keeping them safe while they are chatting online

Use privacy settings. Ensure your child has made their online accounts private. Enable all available restrictions that prevent total strangers from contacting them. Keep your conversations going – tell them not to respond to any contacts they don’t recognize⁠, even if it looks friendly. Get them to let you know if they receive messages from anyone they don’t know.

Make sure your child recognises feelings that make them feel uncomfortable. Sexting, cyberbullying, harassment⁠—it can all crop up when kids chat. Encourage your child to trust their instincts if something makes them feel uncomfortable⁠, and immediately block that person and report it to you. This is especially important if the content is inappropriate.

Protect their well-being. If they are not enjoying it, then what’s the point? While kids love connecting with friends online, too much of a good thing could have negative consequences. While we are currently in difficult times, where possible and safe encourage your children to spend time with their friends face-to-face.

Use privacy settings. Your child should make their online accounts private and enable all available restrictions that prevent total strangers from contacting them. Teach them not to respond to any contacts they don’t recognize⁠—even if it looks friendly.

Recognize red-flag feelings. Sexting, cyberbullying, harassment⁠—it can all crop up when kids chat. Encourage your child to trust their feelings if something makes them feel uncomfortable⁠—and block and report anything inappropriate. Also, never move a chat off the original platform where it can be tracked.

Protect your well-being. If it’s not fun, what’s the point? While kids love connecting to friends online, too much of a good thing could have negative consequences. Help them develop the self-awareness it takes to shut down devices when that happens.

Phone texting – is that safe?

Who are your children talking to? Texting should be limited to people kids know in real life. Anyone who obtains your child’s number can call, text, and even video-chat with them, and there lies the problem.

What a spot-check may reveal. Most phones keep a log of calls, texts and videos – and this information is vital to you as a parent wanting to keep them safe. If they are deleting their phone logs they are old enough to know they are likely doing something you would not approve of. Some phones may add the sender to your kid’s contact list automatically. It’s probably wise to check their contact list as well.

Watch out for group texting. This is very popular with kids who have their own devices. The problem with this is that may be in a group with people they don’t know. Contacts can be hidden and texts can be deleted, so looking at your child’s phone may not show you everyone they’re talking to.

Useful settings. iPhones allow you to manage your child’s contacts (go to Settings/Screen Time/Communication Limits). Both iPhones and Android phones allow you to restrict third-party apps from automatically adding all of your contacts, which helps kids keep their circle of contacts smaller.

Social media and online safety

Know who your kids are talking to. Kids usually chat or send pics back and forth with only friends, but on social media they can pretty much chat with anyone they want. For example, on Instagram, Snapchat, and TikTok, unless kids enable privacy settings to prevent contact with strangers, they can direct-message (DM) anyone who follows them and anyone they follow. The platforms also make it super easy to extend their network by recommending new accounts to follow, allowing you to sync all your social media contacts, and offering QR codes that let you add people with your camera.

What a social media spot-check reveals. You should be able to see all of your children’s contacts from their account profile page. On Instagram and TikTok, you can read chats by tapping on a contact name and viewing the history. You can also follow your children on those platforms to see what they post publicly. Snapchat automatically deletes chats and public posts (stories) after they’re viewed, but this doesn’t make it safe. Many children get caught out by people taking screen shots of the text or photo.

Things to be aware of. Cyberbullying can be one of the major hazards of social media chatting. Unwanted contact, such as predatory behavior or inappropriate requests, is a risk⁠—and it can come from strangers or kids they know.

Useful settings. Most platforms offer privacy settings that allow kids to keep their accounts private, prevent contact from strangers, and limit comments. Some apps go further: Instagram offers an array of settings for kids to manage their circle of friends, and TikTok offers a small suite of parental controls, including the ability to disable direct messaging.

Games

Who kids are talking to. Kids play with friends they know in real life, but competing against new people is a huge part of the fun. So most gamers have lots of casual online pals they’ve made just from playing certain games or playing on a certain platform, such as Steam or Roblox.

What a spot check reveals. It depends. In most games, you can see a list of your kids’ contacts, and you might be able to read your kids’ chats and private message history. But some game chat is done by voice⁠—so you might be able to only hear what your kid is saying when they’re gaming, which is possible if you keep their console or computer in a family room instead of a bedroom.

What to watch out for. Game chat⁠—whether voice, video, or written⁠—can run the gamut from inappropriate (with really graphic language) to cruel (including hate speech and homophobic slurs) to kind (since gamers can forge friendships through gaming). Game chat can be totally off-topic, too. Be aware that not all game chat occurs on the platform kids play on. Some gamers prefer to use the chat app Discord to talk with their teammates, so you’ll want to find out whether your child uses this platform (it has the same visibility as other social media).

So what settings should kids have? Games usually offer privacy settings that allow players to keep a tightly curated list of contacts. You’ll want to go through the game settings to enable the protections you’re comfortable with for your child. By limiting all contact to just friends, and enabling moderated chat (available on some platforms), your child will have a safer online experience.

Keeping them safe while they are chatting online

Phone texting – is that safe?

Social media and online safety

Games

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